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View an Archived Rant - Tailgate Rescue Crew - Rescuing Tailgaters from the Mundane!

Battle of Bull Run

brought forth this day: 2009-10-08 15:00:07
You know how you felt when you were really hoping you were going somewhere cool on the family vacation, like a far away amusement park or cool beach or something F'ing awesome...but instead it turned out to be a trip to an Amish woodworking village or some crappy lake full of mosquitoes and rednecks? Well, the season has kinda started off the same way. Sure we had high hopes for the team and right now they kinda look like an overweight fat kid with a mullet and cut off jean shorts and no shirt trying to get you to come over and look at the cool mustache his sister is growing before she gets in the water.

Now this seems like a total crap situation....but while your digging around in the family station wagon for your Walkman and Beastie Boys License to Ill tape...you realize the parents left a 6pk of Miller High Life shorties in a bag on the back seat. Nothing between you and a sweet little buzz but time. Now you're off in an inconspicuous cove on the lake sucking down these little glass angels ...when an "overdeveloped for her age" lil' hottie walks by, alone, and gives you the long stare as she creeps in the water. Let's just say things are looking up.

Well people - that's what we have on our hands. There are silver linings everywhere. There is a lot of season remaining and lot of tailgating to go. We control the parking lot. That's all we can do. You gotta stay focused, committed and positive! Lemonade out of Lemons.

Now this weekend we have the Redskins coming to town. When I think of Indians, I think of a few things - (1) The pretty crappy deal they got from Whitey (2)Curry, Slurpies, 7-Eleven (3) and Indian Casinos with cool cool names like Lumbee Larry's or Cherokee Charlies. Some people may think of football…I don't know why. In honor of our Native American friends...we will have a little Indian Casino flare this weekend. Don't think craps tables and roulette wheels. That's not what we're shooting for.

We'll have the cooker out again with some BBQ Chicken qrts and Beef Tenderloin, slaw and dips - so we will have plenty of food and drink. And while they say is a slight chance of some showers… don't worry. I've got that “covered" - with a 20X30 canopy I just purchased. It's nice and big.

You need to rally people...we are only guaranteed 8 of these are year. Matt Waters called up early in the week and said he is bringing 6 additional people so have plenty of beer and food on hand. That's what a tailgater of the year does...he brings it…always. Are you special?

Lastly for some of you that need a rallying cry. Let me give you an excerpt of the soon to be straight to video TGRC movie produced by our own red carpet movie star - 1X Tiller.

D-Bag Fan #1: Season's over, man. Team dropped the another one.

TGRC Member #1: Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!

D-Bag Fan#2: [whispering] Germans?

D-Bag Fan #3: Forget it, he's rolling.

TGRC Member #1: And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the tailgating' gets tough... [thinks hard] the tough get tailgating! Who's with me? Let's go! [runs out, alone; then returns] What the **** happened to the Funday Sunday Crew I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? "Ooh, we're afraid to go tailgate, we might get drunk." Well just kiss my *** from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. The Redskins, they're dead men! Tampa Bay, dead! Buffalo -

TGRC Member #2: Dead! He's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these ba$t*rds. Now we could do it by sitting at home watching games on television and drinking beer from the comfort of our own couch but, No, I think we have to go all out. I think that these tailgates absolutely require a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.

TGRC Member #1: We're just the people to do it.
Former D-Bag Fan #1: Let's do it.

TGRC Member #1: LET'S DO IT!!