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View an Archived Rant - Tailgate Rescue Crew - Rescuing Tailgaters from the Mundane!

Chili Cook off This Weekend!!!! That fact and the...

brought forth this day: 2014-12-09 23:05:02
need to prepare your recipes is driving the early release of this week's Rant. Not Cam's accident, from which he's lucky to emerge relatively unscathed. This is a blessing. And now Cam and I have one more thing to add to the long list of things we have in common.
Its doubtful Cam plays this weekend, but Derek Anderson beat the Bucs to start the year....he can do it again. And if we win out and get a little bit of help....as unbelievable as it is....we're in the playoffs. Like an ugly dude sneaking into a Playboy Mansion party, just get in the door, then anything can happen.

But lets focus this conversation on the Chili Cookoff. It's a TGRC favored tradition. 
Some of the seasoned veterans have vowed to mix it up this year. Eric typically has the most expensive chili when he buys a whole tenderloin and has the butcher, begrudgingly, put it into a grinder. He says he's changing the recipe but I still bet it's the most expensive. He'll probably pay to get bald eagle meat or just slow cook $100 bills in a tomato sauce.
Matt Waters historically has made steak tips in a broth and then, like a door to door vacuum cleaner salesman, tries to convince everyone it's chili. He, too, says he has a new recipe.
Jill Fulghum and Blake will make a chili, again. It'll consist of Blake doing pushups and Jill cooking down a bunch of Vicodin and oxycotin and stirring it into a foodservice can of hotdog chili. 
Susan, last years winner, will make a different colored chili in an attempt to confuse the judges pallets. Hadella will work up a chili that ends up not being as hot as he'd like, or you'd expect, b/c Brooke won't let him. But it'll come in a sweet 1971 crockpot that certainly has a toxic amount of lead in the enamel glaze. 
And there will be others....maybe Chillary, the all time leading winner will produce a entry. Maybe Todd will overanalyze a recipe and turn in one that takes longer to explain than it does to make. Maybe Haus will give it a go and, ultimately, get frustrated and have a tanker truck of chili delivered to the tailgate. 
So get ready to flex your culinary muscles and consume enough flatulance fuel to blast your ass to the moon. Chili Cookoff is a success if there is a dutch oven in every house sunday nite and the monday morning office bathroom sounds like a Puurcussion practice.

So dice those onions, chop those jalapeños, stew those tomatoes and season, season, season.

We'll see Sunday.