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View an Archived Rant - Tailgate Rescue Crew - Rescuing Tailgaters from the Mundane!

Well….the SNF game against the Steelers sucked. Tailgate...

brought forth this day: 2014-10-03 23:05:01
was great. Everyone gets pudding b/c you did a great job eating your meat. How could you have gotten any pudding if you didn’t eat your meat?
As if the Steelers game wasn’t depressing enough, Baltimore hangs a double digit loss on us a week later. And Smitty torches everybody. I was hoping the Ravens game would go something like this –

  • We win.

  • Smitty has a good game but we win.

  • The Big Cat comes down after the game and tells Smitty – “its time to come home, son” (slow Home music plays in background).

  • Smitty gets on the plane and comes back to Panthers and has a career year capped off with a SB win.

  • He retires and his place in the Panthers Ring of Honor is established.

  • I’m invited to give the dedication of Smitty’s statue out front of stadium.

  • Maury Povich shows up with DNA results that say JR is by grandpa. I move in with them.

Surprisingly, none of those things happened. Weird.
But lets talk football standings. Despite our recent losses, we’re fortunate that the rest of the NFC South is also bad. This division smells like a broke down cloth diaper collection truck on a hot summer day. And with a win against Chicago on Sun, the Panthers would be sitting atop that heap of putrid smelling, breast milk blowout filled butt coverings.
So what about the Chicago game….or better yet….the Chicago Tailgate! – it’s ADULTS ONLY! Get a babysitter, leave the kids with the dog, or my favorite, drop them off at a fire station. You can pick them up and explain later. I’d just say you left them with Waters, Haus,  or Eric to babysit and THIS happened.  
Over the years we’ve had a lot of Chicago tailgates – remember all the Ditka’s? How about Harry “Todd” Cary with his pants full of shit or his shirt pocket full of hotdogs? How about the bloody mary bar out of the back of Bryce’s Cadillac a few years back? And we’ve gorged on sausage and peppers and deep dish pizza and Chicago Hot Dogs.
I could go on and on. I could make Chicago references but they’ll probably be recycled from previous rants. I could push this one….but honestly, I shouldn’t have to. It’s the Chicago and Adult Only Tailgate.
So I’ll simply say this -– Hot Italian Beef Sandwiches (Thanks Hadella - his suggestion), Cold beer and an ass whipping for the Bears. Come as you will.
See you Sunday people.