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View an Archived Rant - Tailgate Rescue Crew - Rescuing Tailgaters from the Mundane!

Great showing, people. Great hustle. Really liked the...

brought forth this day: 2014-09-19 23:05:02
effort. Really sharp.
Let’s recap a little…
What we know:

  • New Tailgate spot was universally praised. Great turnout and atmosphere for 1st home game. Lets hope we can keep it. Nothing is guaranteed over there.

  • If you’re parking anywhere on Cedar, do NOT turn back toward Morehead when leaving. Took an hour to get from Draft to Morehead. The Oliver’s made a poor decision in turning left. (it was April’s decision to turn left)

  • Jenn Grant really likes hotdogs (minds out of the gutter), I know she ate 3 or 4. Nice work. All those baseball games have served you well. 

  • Chili goes a long way. We started with a gallon and ended 9/10th of a gallon.

  • Eric can get a sandwich from damn near anywhere. Group next to us made him one and then Drew, Haus and I watched him and another guy eat it without the other one knowing for 15 mins. While playing cornhole, Eric would reach back on the table behind him and take a bite and put it down…few seconds later, the guy from the other tailgate, with back turned toward Eric, would take a bite and put it down. It was like watching a choreographed dance between two unknowing partners. Beautiful.

  • Rick can tell you WHATEVER you want to know about a vasectomy. He should be featured on a pamphlet. It’s straight talk for what a man can expect.

  • I don’t know what Travis hates more – the music at the Tailgate or salad. Apparently he has equal disdain. Granted, I’ve done exactly ZERO to provide a decent play list, but DJ State Farm switches between country, rock and hip-hop so violently, the NTL (National Tailgating League) is contemplating bringing assault charges. We’ll try harder Pharrell Snider, I know it makes you (un)Happy.

  • I need some help policing the crowd a little. New spot means new friends, new faces, new dynamic….and all those are good things. But it also means new people trying to take advantage. Had two guys ask me, as I was standing in the back, to give them a cup. Said the “owner” said they could have one. I asked them who the owner was and they said, with a non-specific directional point behind them, “the tall guy over there”. I almost gave them one so they would tell people that a “tall guy” owns Big Red. But instead I pointed to Todd and said “he owns it –go ask him how the principles of heat transfer work to get and keep this beer cold. If you can sit thru it, he’ll give you all you want.” Needless to say, I never heard from them.  The reality is, let’s make sure we are all being good stewards of our Tailgate.

  • 5:00 hours just isn’t enough time to Tailgate – But we’ll get that fixed this week with a night game.

So onto the Steelers. 8:30 Sunday nite game. BIG! Chance to go 3-0. All day to think about it. Its gonna be special. And what better way to celebrate something being special than with the world famous Rech Family MEAT Sandwiches. Its several whole beef tenderloins marinated in something special and then seared rare and served on pita or bun with provolone and horseradish spread. If you've had one, they are life changing. 
We'll have the TV up and running and 1:00 and 4:00 games playing. Plan to eat somewhere between 2:00 and 3:00. Pace yourself.....but start running early.
As for the Steelers.... we know there will be a lot of terrible towels. Few safety rules with the Steel City women - Do NOT walk near her with Meat sandwiches, you are certain to be mauled.I wouldn't carry any food in my pockets. If you are approached, make as much noise as you possibly can and make yourself seem bigger. If this doesn't frighten her off and you are attacked, it's best to play dead. Cover your face, eyes, genitals...she'll try to get to your genitals first. They always do. Best to just wear a rubber all day Sunday to avoid forced procreation during an attack. 
Also keep in mind, nobody wants to live in Pittsburgh. Its a jungle, so have some pity on them. 

See you folks in the lot.