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View an Archived Rant - Tailgate Rescue Crew - Rescuing Tailgaters from the Mundane!

It's time, everybody. Get you shit together. No more laying...

brought forth this day: 2014-09-04 23:05:02
in bed on Sat morn, flipping between Road House on TBS and Law & Order-Criminal Intent on USA, - Game Day is on, son! No more sleeping in Sunday morning and then going for mimosas and a nice quiche...No Sir.....You've gotta be up early having beers and chicken buffalo dip by the fork full. You think you're gonna have a nice cup of coffee, catch up on a few topical news events on the iPad and then retire to the water closet to leisurely move your bowels? HAHAHAHA -You're gonna chug a free Monster energy drink tossed to you by some chick in the back of a jacked up promotional truck and then barely make it to the port-a-potty to give butt birth to what resembles a corn dog deep fried in chili sauce. 
But why am I telling you all this? You know it. It's not like this is your first rodeo. So it would be redundant and, honestly, insulting for me to sit here and tell you that the days of you waking up Monday morning, ready to take on the work week with a clear head and abundance of energy, are about as likely as me not using Waters and Haus as weekly punch lines to references of absurdity. They, along with others, will be ridiculed and mocked, as is customary this time of year. I mean, traditions are traditions. What would this time of year be without Pumpkin Spice Latte's, changing leaves and Eric setting him self on fire at least once at a tailgate?

So instead of me going on about what you already know - lets talk about what's different - 

  • Tailgate Spot - Gonna try out 601 S. Cedar. We should have a nice tucked away spot with shade and space and plenty of green grass to spread out. There is also a new bar - Draught - in the lot to serve as game watch central for those not attending. Should be a good spot. There is parking in a lot nearby for those for those driving and wanting cheaper and easily exited lot. Or walk it you lazy bastards.

  • Away Game Watch - Some of us have kids. Some of us don't. (April got herself pregnant again in the offseason, by the way) but everyone likes a good atmosphere. I'm sure this will be up for debate and may change....but All American Pub was good if we could get a table. Gonna try it again this year. If it changes, it changes. This is not a dictatorship (unlike how Haus runs the TGRC FF League) its a democracy.

  • Tailgating Food & Drink - As you all know, we have never "charged" for food or drink. We'll continue to have motivational beverages in large containers for those that want to hang out and not have to bring your own (i.e. Travis and the trunk cooler full of Coors light). We're adults, except for the kids, and if you want to eat and drink and throw in a contribution - do it. Don't ask "how much". Let your conscious be your guide. If you plan to fill up so much on Sunday that you don't have to eat/drink until Wednesday....then maybe that $2 bill covered in stripper glitter from the night before might be a little light. But getting a beer at 12:15 and a tortilla scoop of bean dip doesn't require you dropping a benny frank and walking away. 

  • Tailgates Themes - We'll see how this goes.....but if anyone (or group) wants to "own" a specific tailgate - let me know. All the resources of the TGRC are at your disposal. If you really want to do something specific with food and/or drink - then let me know.

  • It's Football time, people. So settle in. Get those wings extra crispy with extra sauce, pour that beer in a tall glass (a yard glass if you're Drewbie Smith) and get ready for Football!