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View an Archived Rant - Tailgate Rescue Crew - Rescuing Tailgaters from the Mundane!

Who Dey? Bounty Gate? Beignets? If I stand for...

brought forth this day: 2013-12-17 23:05:01
anything it's having zero patience for poorly spoken english, encouraging/rewarding the injuring of others during sport and trying to give a fancy damn name to a doughnut. These are all things the New Orleans Saints, not only do, but promote about themselves. Next to treason and Travis's playlist, these are some of the most offensively offensive offenses in which one can participate. And these below sea level scumbags come to town this weekend for all the marbles in the NFC South!!!

This is what we've asked for. This is what we wanted. A home game deep in the year that really, really matters. This is as big as it gets, AND its the last regular season Tailgate!!!! Haus said he's been throwing up like a spring breaker on Bourbon Street in anticipation of this game. He's either nervous or pregnant and both are possible.

It's also the Holiday Season and our mood tends to turn festive and solemn and all the other adjectives in those Biltmore commercials, sans creepy white bearded doorman. And while I'm a big fan of the Holidays, the only jolly fat man I'm paying attention to in the next week is Mike Tolbert. I don't care what's in Santa's Sack....I'm more concerned with how many Sacks Hardy and CJ are gonna put on Drew Brees. I couldn't give a damn about dashing thru the snow....I'm worried about DeAngelo gashing thru the line. And many other gratuitous, stale and uninventive Holiday comparisons.

If you're in town, this is a "must go to" game. We'll have the big white tent if we need it to protect against the elements at the Tailgate. Saints fans like to brag about the "DOME FIELD ADVANTAGE" and how passionate and loyal they are. 
Check yourself Saints - the below was only a few short years ago before Brees blew into town and you sat in an empty Dome watching bad football.

All that aside, they're a pretty good damn football team. And will take everything the Panthers have to beat them Sunday. 

So what are we doing to prepare at the Tailgate- 

Tailgate Food - In keeping with game before Christmas tradition, Hogie Claus takes over the tailgate food. And while it's usually shrimp and grits...he has a NOLA Cajun Shrimp something or' nother. All I know is he's been working of perfecting it for a couple of months and he said they're "made to order". I know he would really, really, really appreciate you going ahead and start texting him how you would like your order. I don't know what the options are so just text him a bunch of different ways you think you'd want to eat something called NOLA Cajun Shrimp.

I'm sure there will be all kinds of hijinx and tidings of goodwill and cheer. Join us before you visit with family for the Holidays and if you win the Mega Millions then also buy us tickets and have Ruth's Chris cater all future Tailgates - just saying. Those winning numbers by the way are 4-17-27-72-44 and 12. You're welcome.

If we win Sunday and/or I win the Mega Millions and the Panthers host a home playoff game, I'm gonna do something extra special and stupid. I don't know what yet, but it's gonna be something that pushes things to a new level. I'm not even gonna consult April 'cause she'll try to give perspective or be a voice of reason. I'm going to act completely on emotion with zero consideration to sensibility. 

I leave you with this from last week -