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View an Archived Rant - Tailgate Rescue Crew - Rescuing Tailgaters from the Mundane!

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!   Let me get this outta the...

brought forth this day: 2013-11-30 12:21:14
way since most of you don’t read past this point –

Before I get a ton of messages about doing it another weekend….we don’t have time.  Jets Game will be Meat Sandwiches, NO has to be Gumbolaya and then the last game is ATL. So scrape all those Thanksgiving leftovers into a crockpot Thurs nite,  dump in a can of tomatoes and put it on low till Sunday morning.
(Thanksgiving Fact #1– The primary reason the pilgrims left England is they spelled it – futbol – and didn’t care for chicken wings and preferred beer room temp.)
I’m Thankful for a lot of things. As I get older I’m finding myself more phlegmatic and reflective during the Holidays and using words like phlegmatic to express how  reflective I’ve become. In addition to friends and family , here’s a list of things I’m Thankful for -
·      Panthers 8-3 Record
·      Sandwiches
·      The Pig – If it had beer for blood it would be the perfect animal.
·      The fact that most of you weren’t on the recent fantasy football txt message chain. Some of us are awful people.
·      Travis’s playlist – cause anyone can now play anything and people will say “It’s better than what Travis was playing”. You can put two cats in a bag and beat it with
        a tennis racket and people will vote it above DJ State Farm (Timmy B named him).
·      Eric’s beard not being flammable during MNF tailgate – And I’m surprised it wasn’t b/c he was 1/3 alcohol at the time it flash fired.
·      Rick and Drew. Independently, sure. But together – Definitely.
·      My lack of memory – most of what I write every week seems vaguely familiar. I’m not certain if it’s from a previous rant or just previous thoughts. But b/c I’m not
       sure and too lazy to check….I, guiltlessly, send it out to the masses each week.
·      Panthers 8-3 record
·      Sandwiches
·      And the list goes on.
(Thanksgiving Fact #2– Had it not been for the two Pilgrims, Orville and Wilbur Wright, demanding to stay in the spot they landed in Plymouth Rock, NC - we would not be First in Flight. The rest of the bunch wanted to continue to FL where they heard of a “fountain of youth” to age regress the old hags they brought over from England. The 80’s movie Cocoon is strictly based on this story.)
So the Panthers beat NE on MNF in the best environment I’ve ever seen in that stadium. Then they go to Miami and win another comeback game. Next we get flexed into the SNF game against NO in two weeks. But first we gotta get thru Tampa Bay who’s on a bit of a win streak. This Sunday’s game is bigger than most people think.
What we do in the parking lot is DIRECTLY related to how the team plays and ultimately decides whether or not we win. It's science,, don't try to argue it. We are as important as Cam’s designed runs, Shula’s play calling, Smitty’s route running or Defensive three and outs. So if you’re deciding whether or not you’re coming Sunday – I hope you can handle a city full of hate against you if you make the wrong decision.
(Thanksgiving Fact #3 – Tryptophan was the first date rape drug. Early settlers would creep up on sweet young honeys hanging out by the bonfire listening to tunes from rudimentary instruments and coerce them into consuming a couple pounds of panty dropping turkey. After they were in a food coma these opportunistic heathens would have their way. It’s no coincidence that Rick ordered a turkey sandwich for Drew everynite at Sawgrass.)
What I’m saying people, is be Thankful we have a winning team. Be Thankful football matters in Charlotte. Be Thankful you can hang out in a parking lot and drink Holiday beers and eat chili.  Show your THANKS Sunday by GIVING Tampa Bay an ass whipping.