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View an Archived Rant - Tailgate Rescue Crew - Rescuing Tailgaters from the Mundane!

The winds of change….they are ‘a blowing.  And...

brought forth this day: 2012-10-25 23:50:03
it’s long overdue but we’ll  get to that.
First, let’s talk about what I learned at the last Tailgate. Let recap:

  • Of the two Fulghum siblings – Jill is the best one by far. Hogan came in 3rd. Jill is funnier and prettier than Hogan, and most importantly, she’s actually present at the tailgates.

  • With a few exceptions, Dallas fans really are the dumbest collection of people you can encounter. 

  • Travis  will try to sell ANYONE insurance. You keep working it, Travis… But I don’t think those Cowboys fans are gonna keep current on those premiums. Just sayin.

  • Gentlemen….we look like the Panthers on the Flip Cup table. Another loss.

  • And lastly … you did NOT appreciate last week’s rant.  The minimalist approach was not well received. You people demand a Rant worthy of your time. Many of you shared your thoughts –

  • Susan threatened to sue me if I did that again. She’s a lawyer and said I was in contempt. Said she’d have me sodomized in county lockup.
    Todd emailed me, asking if I was a hippie and if we were gonna stop serving meat at the tailgates (sorry Cahill – ain’t happening). I wasn't sure of the connection but before I could answer, and fearful I was gonna say yes, he tried to convince me that Hot Dogs weren’t a meat, per say . He said that transcended what we traditionally think of as food and were originally given to us by a superior alien life force. Said they were left behind when they built the pyramids, Wrigley Field and Pamela Anderson’s vagina.
    Hogan txted me that he likes to run a warm bath, poor a glass of wine and read the rant while he scrubs his grundel with a brillo pad.  It’s the only way he feels clean.
    Jill and Rachel said they like to get drunk and hide the rant. The next day tickle each other till they remember where it is and then read it by candle light.
    And the feedback goes on and on. The only positive was from Eric…he liked the lotto numbers.
    So…I promise no more bailouts on the Rant.

    But on to what’s taking place in Panther Land – Folks…we’re not good. There’s  a lot of reasons why but that doesn’t change the fact. The reality is…we probably aren’t gonna be good until they strip this thing down and rebuild. There are good pieces in place, but a lot of bad parts as well. You can put nice rims and a sweet sound system in a rusted out ’84 Corolla but that doesn’t mean you have a luxury vehicle. It just means you live on Wilkinson Blvd.
    It’s no secret that I’m a fan of Jerry Richardson. I like his old school, grandfatherly, bootstrap mentality. Maybe I’m missing something from my childhood where I didn’t really have a loving grandfather figure….or maybe I was a stripper in a previous life that preyed on old rich men, but either way….I like the old man.

    However, I was beginning to wonder if he still had the mind for the game. Was he scared of computers and think they could steal his soul or senile to the point that he thought Democrats were putting gonorrhea in his sandwiches?  I wasn’t sure. And then he came out and fired someone nobody thought he would – Marty Hurney (this after shit canning both his sons a few years back). Marty needed to go. He failed to produce players that would build the organization as a perennial winner. Marty isn't the only issue...but a big one.

    Jerry has made it clear….he wants to win before he dies.  He’s 76 with a heart transplant, a perfect head of silver hair and loves BBQ. While the head of hair is nice…the age, the heart transplant and the affinity for pork products probably means he doesn’t have decades remaining. And it’s obvious this Panthers Corolla, even with some really nice parts,  ain’t gonna get us to the SB.

    So….I think we are in for two/three years of working our way back. Shedding some bad contracts, seeing who wants to and who can play,  and doing so under the guidance of a new GM.
    The winds of change are ‘a blowing. So I say..batten down the hatches…fill the bathtub with beer and lets’ ride this bitch out like we know how to do.

    Two road games in a row – Chicago is first up. This one is probably gonna hurt. Like a deep dish pizza punch to the gut.  If you can BEAR to watch it…I’m sure we’ll be somewhere doing that.

    Next few Tailgates should be good ones – Chili Cookoff, Wing Challenge, TGRC Gives Back, etc. not necessarily in that order. (I swear to you I spent 5 whole minutes trying to spell necessarily. Couldn’t even get close enuff for spell check to give a suggestion. Who the hell can spell that without help)

    Oh….and Eric…..Lotto #’s:  8-14-26-31-34  PB 15