The Weather Outside Will Be Frightful...
brought forth this day: 2010-12-09 16:45:35
....But the Chili in your gut will be delightful!!!!The forecast for Sunday doesn't look promising - 50's with an 80% chance of rain. But we've got tents, heaters and booze. So quit 'chore belly-aching!!!!
It's that time of year again, folks...the time of year when all you culinary masters get to flex your muscles and battle in the TGRC Big Red Chili Cookoff. This has quickly become one of the most lucrative and sought after culinary titles in competitive cooking. It's been featured on My Ass Is Chili but My Mouth Is Hot magazine, it was the inspiration for the Food Network's new show I Don't Know What That Is....Put It In The Chili, On HBO Late Nite the cookoff was the star of It Looks The Same In Your Pants As It Does In The Bowl.
So you can see how quickly this event has become the center of attention for true Foodies and competitive cooks.
For those of you who don't know - let me familiarize you with the rules:
- 1. Any TGRC member can enter.
- 2. You must have a name for your Chili - creativity encouraged.
- 3. Your Chili will be placed in a non-descript bowl and lined up with other Chili's. We have heat sources or plug in's for a crock pot - first come first serve on the trucks generator.
- 4. We will recruit some of Charlotte's citizens who are "down on their luck" to sample all Chili's and award their favorite.
- 5. The winner get's a $1,000,000 Check from the TGRC and a spot in Chili Cookoff history.
Last years winner, Hillary Fulghum (now known as Chili-ary) has skyrocketed to fame since taking top prize. Gut Grenade Magazine caught up with her recently after visits to the White House and promoting her book... Chili - It's Not Just for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner on the Oprah Winfrey Show.
- GG: "How has your life changed?"
- Chili-ary: "Everything's changed. The platform this cookoff has given me is incredible - I've been able to touch so many lives. They say a way to the heart is thru the stomach...well, a good Chili opens the mouth and the ass - so now you really have two ways to get in there"
- GG: "Care to share any Chili-ary Chili secrets"
- Chili-ary: "Care to have your ass kicked? What do you think this is-some kind of fucking charity? How about I spinning wheel kick your face off!"
- GG: "So tell me about your recent trip to Mexico and the tragedy with your husband"
- Chili-ary: "It's been a very difficult time. We were on vacation in Mexico with the Oliver's.My husband was with Jason - who, by the way, had no part in the accident what-so-ever, so no one should blame him or ask why he didn't try to keep this from happening or why the two of them do dumb shit when they are drunk in downtown Mexico. Jason should actually be praised for his quick response in a time of crisis and probably given some money or a medal or a table dance. But I digress.....Hogan badly injured his foot and ankle. And in Mexico, when this happens they have to put you down....like Barbarro. So they were about to shoot Hogan in the face when I introduced them to the medicinal powers of Chili. I quickly whipped up a batch of Chili-oxydiclide and rubbed on the injury, then liquefied it and gave some to him intravenously. This stabilized him, decreased the swelling and made travel and avoiding Mexican death now possible. We scheduled the next flight out and then traditional medicine took over. I understand they are building a tiny little statue of me outside of the hospital for revolutionizing their archaic medicine.
So people, you get a taste of what winning this Chili Cookoff can do for your life. It's a commitment and an art. You have to be careful, however, Ask Waters about dicing a bunch of jalapeno's and then having some "Matt Time" in the shower - Muy Caliente on the Penis-ente. (Sorry Waters - had to tell it).
The Panthers play the Dirty Birds from the A-T-L. They're good....and will beat the brakes of the Panthers. It's a lost year...that's a given. But ole Jerry Richardson wrote the PSL Owners/Fans a letter this week. He apologized for the season and said they are committed to building a winning team and will spend to do it. I believe him. And we are gonna spend on Big Red in the off season so that she is ready for the Parade when the Cats win the Superbowl.
See ya Sunday.
