Warning: Illegal string offset 'file' in /home/s24bged5mcf9/public_html/cake/libs/debugger.php on line 622

Warning: Illegal string offset 'line' in /home/s24bged5mcf9/public_html/cake/libs/debugger.php on line 622

Strict Standards: Non-static method Configure::read() should not be called statically in /home/s24bged5mcf9/public_html/cake/basics.php on line 213

Strict Standards: Non-static method Configure::getInstance() should not be called statically in /home/s24bged5mcf9/public_html/cake/libs/configure.php on line 154
Notice (8): Array to string conversion [CORE/cake/libs/controller/controller.php, line 441]
View an Archived Rant - Tailgate Rescue Crew - Rescuing Tailgaters from the Mundane!

Oh When the Saints Come Marching In...

brought forth this day: 2010-11-03 18:41:34
"Oh When the Saints, go marching in. Oh when the saints go march-ing in. You'd bet-ter not be on the defense....when the Saints' go marching in".

Well, that little song ain't as scary as it once was. The Saints aren't as high powered as they once were. Their running game is sputtering, the passing game is struggling. Lately, Brees has been the patron Saint of Interceptions. And our defense will need him to "bless" us with a record number of 'em if we're gonna have a shot on Sunday. I'm actually petitioning to have our defense and special teams be the only Carolina players allowed on the field. If we stop New Orleans on a 3rd down, they can punt it to us and we'll run it back and if we don't get a touchdown or field goal....we just give it back to the Saints and our defense can try to score via interception, again. To say our Offense is horrific is an understatement. They can't avoid the temptation to fumble and throw interceptions. I've made references to him before, but it's like watching Charlie Sheen at stripper convention. He may try to fight temptation at first but by the time he leaves he'll be covered in glitter and smell like baby powder. The fact is, at this stage of the game...the Panthers players are simply honing skills to interview for jobs next year under a new coach, and that's about the only remaining excitement inside the stadium.

But outside? Well now, that's a different story. New Orleans might not be able to figure out how to put some liquid cork on a leaky damn or build houses on a hill .....but two things those silly Cajun sons a bitches can do.... is COOK and PARTY!!!! And Mardi Gras is one of the all time great throw downs. And one of the greatest traditions is showing your tits for beads! Now, I'm sure there's a long story behind it. Someone will probably tell you it's got some deep, philosophical beginning....but at the end of the day....does anyone really give a damn? You just want to see a girl take her shirt off for practically nothing. If you've ever been to a strip club....you know that trying to negotiate some Fakies in your face for a string of ten cent beads will get you quickly removed. But in New Orleans during Mardi Gras, a handful of beads will get you a ringside seat to two girls giving each other a sidewalk Pap smear. In the "normal" world if you have more than a passing glance at a girl in your office, HR will have your shit in a brown box and security escorting you to the front door before you can tell them you weren't staring you just had your eyes dilated. New Orleans is a lot like your creepy Uncle who lets you and your friends drink when you're 14. You know you're running a risk by going over there but the freedom you're afforded is usually worth it. The same two rules apply to both Uncle Terry's trailer and New Orleans - (1)Don't hang out alone (2) and it's OK to piss anywhere outside.

This week at the Tailgate...it's a tribute to the Big Easy. All the voodoo, food and nakedness we can muster at a Tailgate. Kicking things up a notch on the "consumption" front is our very own Jill Fulghum. Jill's made some contacts with some ice sculptures and guess what - ICE LUGES!!!!! That's right....Ice Sensations (notice their logo/link on the website) will be providing a few ice luges for some of the remaining Tailgates! From this point forward Hogan's sister will now be referred to as Ji-luge (sounds exotic). Thank her if your lips aren't frozen on Sunday. Disclaimer - The TGRC is not responsible for anyone getting mouth herpes. Brooke will be serving up some good ole fashioned Cajun cuisine. Perfect for a cold morning. Thank her if your ass isn't on fire from the spice. And docking Big Red will be none other than the Fire Marshall. I,regrettably, have to be out of town again. Two missed Tailgates in a year is a travesty. We will be in Mexico attempting to find a cure for the Blue Magic. Which brings me to my last point. GUYS - listen up....the Flip Cup is all balloon knotted up at 2-2. Don't go down 3-2 this weekend. Both Hogan and myself will be searching for that Mexican mojo that will counteract the Girl's Blue Magic. Fight 'em off till we get back.

Who dat say we gonna drink all dis booze? The Tailgate Rescue Crew....that's who!