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View an Archived Rant - Tailgate Rescue Crew - Rescuing Tailgaters from the Mundane!

I'm not one to dwell in the past...

brought forth this day: 2010-10-28 10:05:14
...But if you didn't have fun Sunday.....sorry, we're just not your kind of people. You'd be better off hanging out with pedophiles, meth addicts or Democrats! (Don't worry, I'm not gonna get all political but it is election season and the TGRC Rocks The Vote!) ((Does MTV even use that anymore?))

What else could you have possibly wanted? We had a drunken Elf, a baby jumping Doctor, a displaced Buffalonian: circa '87, a discount coffee getting Senior, a Horace Grant meets a 9th grade chemistry lab student, an homage to the MLB playoffs with an asphalt slide into third (ouch Waters), and a high flying football dunking Fire Marshall superhero. I mean, Come On! Do you know how much that would cost you, retail? To see all of that in the same place on the same day you'd need Bill Gates money and Larry Flint's fetishes or smoke enough peyote to embarrass an Indian reservation. Either way chances are this was once in a lifetime.

Our friends from the Bobcats could not have been nicer and more complimentary of the Tailgate and all you guys. They all said they can't wait to come back to party....AND to partner with us in the future on some Bobcats events. More to come.

And with that.....I'm not gonna expound anymore on how AWESOME Sunday was. You already know. But if you weren't there (or want to relive the Dunks) look over at the YouTube videos on the homepage of our web site. They're all captured for your viewing pleasure. Thanks to Rusty for recording and editing. Also Thanks to Rusty for accidently posting the video of you and Casey "celebrating" later that evening. Had you done THAT dunk out there....Contest Over!!!
So one last round of applause for the winners -

  • 3rd Place - Proving he's still got it and all you young folk could learn a thing or two - Now get off his lawn, he needs a nap - They Called Mr. Hogan...I call him Papa 1 Time - EDIS FULGHUM!!!

  • 2nd Place - He organized, set up, participated and placed in the damn thing. He had the best dunk merging all flavors of the day - he had Steve Smith's hands, Superman's cape and and a fireman's hose - He finds 'em Hot and leaves 'em WET - he's FIRE MARSHAL RUSTY!!!

  • 1st Place - And the winner - you all know him. He makes a mess of your hands and leaves your mouth on fire - And we're not talking about his Hot Wings (hey ohh) - He's a lover not a fighter, but he's also a fighter, so don't get any ideas - He's a Supernova of fashion - Ladies and gentlemen - EDDIE DUNKANETTI!!!!!!!!!!

So moving on to what happened after the contest....our perfectly chiseled Adonis of a Tailgate with perfect hair, abs and ass finally decided to go on a date with that sea donkey we called a football team. And low and behold, I guess it gave the 'ole girl some confidence. She came out Sunday looking like a million bucks. Who knew those big beautiful double D's were hiding under that Ben & Jerry's stained Tweety Bird double XL hyper colored t-shirt? Who would've guessed that under those ratty lime green, faux crush velvet sweatpants was an ass so perfect it didn't even have a crack in it? There's know way you could've known that behind those glasses that had to be put on her face with a construction crane were two beautiful Cat like eyes. But on Sunday afternoon....there she was!

Now I'm not saying she was perfect. She still had some shit in her teeth and her feet are kinda jacked up....but we can work with those. If the play inside the stadium keeps up with the what we're doing in the parking lot....we'll be making sweet, sweet love every Sunday!

And who gets to press there face against the foggy glass of our Shaggin' Wagon and wish they were operating with the grace, efficiency and vitality of the Panthers? It's St. Louis.
"Hey St. Louis, we like your ribs and your Blues Music. That's about it. You can keep that stupid Arch. Gateway to the West my ass. What does that even mean? Stupid."
We need another win. Get a little momentum. Give the home crowd something to talk about. Let's find out if Gettis and LaFell can be a #2 receiver. If Matt Moore was just nervous in those first few games.
Winning is a lot like Sex....it's better when you're doing it.