Warning: Illegal string offset 'file' in /home/s24bged5mcf9/public_html/cake/libs/debugger.php on line 622

Warning: Illegal string offset 'line' in /home/s24bged5mcf9/public_html/cake/libs/debugger.php on line 622

Strict Standards: Non-static method Configure::read() should not be called statically in /home/s24bged5mcf9/public_html/cake/basics.php on line 213

Strict Standards: Non-static method Configure::getInstance() should not be called statically in /home/s24bged5mcf9/public_html/cake/libs/configure.php on line 154
Notice (8): Array to string conversion [CORE/cake/libs/controller/controller.php, line 441]
View an Archived Rant - Tailgate Rescue Crew - Rescuing Tailgaters from the Mundane!

Da Bearsss...

brought forth this day: 2010-10-07 09:48:54
You can feel the season starting to change. There's a crispness and chill to the morning air. The Panthers actually made it a game against the Saints. The leaves are starting to turn. In the afternoons, you're relaxing with a nice glass of bourbon or scotch vs. a refreshing vodka/tonic (apparently Dwayne Jarrett relaxed with both all the time-byebye DJ). It's officially Fall and with it brings the "MEAT" of the Football and Tailgate season.

And this Sunday is no exception. This weeks game has more storylines than a daytime Soap Opera. You've got the Irish Pickle (Jimmy Clausen) who is starting to show signs of why we drafted him. You've got Steve Smith out with a high ankle sprain -- which rookie is gonna step up? Jay Cutler has a concussion - will he play? And ohh yeah...you've got some guy named Julius Peppers who's returning home to play against his former team. Now, Peppers is a freak of nature. A physical specimen with athletic ability possessed by only a handful of people. He and I have a lot in common...we hung out for a while at the Harris Teeter uptown late one Sunday nite. He was shopping and when I saw him I forgot why I was there and followed him around aimlessly for 15 minutes. When we were leaving I spewed something unintelligible about him having a great season and when he turned around I got nervous and sped off. So we were practically Boys.

But then he committed heresy. After a much publicized "he said/she said" over a contract dispute... Peppers left his home in Carolina and sought refuge in the Windy City of Chicago. Some of the greatest betrayals of all time have been by men named Julius. Julius Caesar betrayed Rome (that's why Brutus stabbed him). Julius Erving betrayed the, then, New York Nets and went to the Philly 76'ers (probably wasn't much of a betrayal since they both retired his number). Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus. And Julio Iglesias (Spanish for Julius) betrayed tons of women and mocks them in his song - "To All the Girls I've Loved Before". You get my point. And if leaving wasn't bad enough, Peppers joined the Bears. Bears? Please. These dirty ass scavengers have no respect for man or property. They will eat your damn face off. Always breaking into peoples' tents and stealing their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Coming up in neighborhoods and attacking dogs. Terrible. And don't let that cuddly 'lil fucker, Winnie the Pooh, lull you into thinking otherwise. This son of bitch is nothing short of a drug addict. Always on the search for Honey. Will do anything to get Honey. Gotta have Honey. He would claw Tigger to pieces if he stood between him and his Honey habit. Plain and simple - They can't be trusted!

Now, as for Chicago... It's actually a pretty decent place. They were the inspiration behind the Windy City Bomb (ask Hogan for details and to try one), they have a unique take on Pizza, they took a Pimp My Ride approach to Hot Dogs and they cultivated another NC talent and won 6 NBA titles with the owner of YOUR CHARLOTTE BOBCATS, Michael Jordan. But possibly their greatest accomplishment was being the inspiration to one of the best SNL skits of all time -- Da Bears Superfans(view link).

And this week, live at the TGRC tailgate, you'll see this group of sausage eating, beer drinking, heart attack having, dickdo suffering (that's the condition where your belly sticks out further than your dickdo), Midwestern contingent LIVE and in person! But..since Chris Farley is dead, I don't know what Norm from Cheers' real name is, Mike Meyers isn't even that fat and the other dude isn't funny...AND that this is a Panther's Tailgate...we're gonna have to improvise. We're no stranger to having celebrities at our tailgates. Do I have to remind you of Eddie Romanelli?(Click Link) Or how about his Latino cousin, Eduardo Ramirez?(Click Link) Or their Neanderthal half cousin, Edgar Raganfazstein?(Click Link) Did you forget about John Madden?(Click Link) How about Thanksgiving when the Pilgrim(Click Link) came to see us? Or Sir Purr's twin cousins -- the Lil Puss's?(Click Link). We know how to host celebrities!

So, it's only fitting that the Superfans show up and support (actually mock) Da Bears! So who are they? It's you! We need your best interpretation of the Superfans -- Guys and Girls. You may be asking What's the incentive to alter your tailgate appearance, adorn yourself with Chicago paraphernalia, consume 4,000 calories and speak of the omnipotent Coach Ditka like he's a sacred shrine? Besides being fucking SPECIAL, and getting much Tailgate respect..the best Superfan with awesome "Ditka Versus" scenarios/references will win an authentic Giordano's Deep Dish Chicago Style Pizza Pie -- shipped directly to your door AND a 6pack of Old Style to wash it down with.

It's time to step up. Do you have it in you? You gotta be on your game, people. And to help welcome these Ditka loving (mocking) Superfans and in honor of our once beloved Defensive End Julius Peppers-- We're going to be cooking up Sausage and PEPPERS, a ton of Chicago Style Hot Dogs and some other Tailgate surprises. You don't want to miss it. Weather is gonna be awesome. It's gonna be a great Tailgate. See you bright and early Sunday.