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View an Archived Rant - Tailgate Rescue Crew - Rescuing Tailgaters from the Mundane!


brought forth this day: 2010-09-08 19:06:27
(An early Sunday morning - doorbell rings)
Football Season: (Ding Dong) I'm baaaack, Let's Go!
You: Hello....OHH....Football Season! I wasn't expecting you just yet. I was just....
Football Season: I don't give a Damn what you just doing!!! You knew I was coming. Now I'm here and your standing there scratching your a$$. Put on some britches, grab a hat and a BC powder and let's go!
You: ......

Your next response is a defining moment. It'll separate the men from the boys - the women from the girls. Are you going to make excuses and tell Football Season, "To Hold On....I need to get ready.....I'll meet you there"? Are you going to stand there, with Football Season on your doorstep, and mumble some lame a$$ half hearted reason why you're a douche?

OR.... are you going lift your head....stare Football Season in the eye, and confidently respond, "Hold on 'der Hondo....What in the hell took you so long.... I've already had 3 beers, took a perfect No Wipe dump (show the pic on your camera phone) and tweaked my fantasy line up twice.... I got two speeds, son - Fast and Wide Open. Who's Driving"?

Now the reality is, Football Season (and its twin sister Tailgating) is less of a cross between the angriest parts of Jack Palance and Clint Eastwood and more like the warm and ample bosom of a supper hot, and very nurturing, Nanny. If you let her....she'll hold you close and you'll feel her warm Sunday morning buzz, she'll fill your belly with delicious greasy cuisine, she'll make you laugh, she'll introduce you to new friends, she'll share the spirit of parking lot competition and provide a unifying sense of Football family. She lives at Poplar & 3rd (and Wild Wing Cafe) and she's been preparing for you all off season. Will you come be her guest of honor?

This Season's got some spirit, people....some spunk. We've got some seasoned veterans and some fresh faced rookies. Each season has it's own personality...it's like a snowflake....a big ole beer soaked, chicken wing sauced snow flake and it gets started this Sunday at Wild Wing Cafe. The Panthers kick off the season by opening up a brand new Meadowlands Stadium. We closed the old one with a big ole 41-9 bend you over my knee ass whuppin'. Since we didn't score a single offensive touchdown in the pre-season.....we should have 6 or 7 to hang on the Giants and treat their new house just like we did the old one. We're gonna be those a$$holes in high school that you tried to keep away from the "my parents are out of town party". They come over uninvited, smoke in your house, have sex in your parents bedroom, break sh!t and then leave (I realize most of you were those people). To crush the Giants would be a wonderful start to our season.

As for our hand in the matter....it's in the parking lot for home games and a unified group watch when they're on the road. There are all sorts of surprises scheduled for the season, as well as the time honored traditions - Tailgater of the Year, Chili Cook-Off, Costumes, Circus Midgets, Petting Zoo, Roller Derby, Ham Throwing and the list goes on. More to come as the season unfolds.

Now for some housekeeping - The enclosed slide provides some details for -

  • Flip Cup - Some rule changes. All worthy competitive games of skill must evolve in order to stay relevant. There are those that think the forward pass killed football and the shot clock is an injustice to the game of basketball. These rule changes are necessary in order to keep it fresh, moving and encompassing.

  • As always - We DO NOT SALE ALCOHOL. Membership is available and Donations are accepted. Under no circumstances is anyone required to do either. For more details speak to a game day "representative". That will keep me from having to put anything else in writing.

  • You should know what it takes to be the Tailgater of the Year....everything counts. Reference included.

  • 2010-2011 TGRC T-Shirts Available - See enclosed PDF. They are $15. They are the same type/style shirt as last year so reference that for size. They haven't been ordered yet and you don't have to get one....doesn't matter either way. However they are guaranteed to get you laid, get you a pay raise, increase your IQ, make you funnier, smell better, ward off gypsies and the boogieman, reduce your carbon footprint and make you invisible. (Disclaimer-The TGRC does not accept any liability for anyone caught doing something illegal -like peeping- while wearing this T-Shirt and thinking they were invisible)

So.... it's GO TIME. You know what to do next......